She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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