some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
