I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
