Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
