I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
