im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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