I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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