So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
