Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
