It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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