A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
