that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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