Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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