its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
