I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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