The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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