did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
