I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
