I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
