im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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