you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
