theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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