Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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