he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
