My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
