I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
