i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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