your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
