I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
