there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
