she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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