if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize