I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize