I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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