You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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