Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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