I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
