I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I FOUND THE LEGS
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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