What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
