He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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