I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
