eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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