I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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