My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
