You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
