Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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