you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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