he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
