it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
