I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
