hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
