She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
