gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
