Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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