Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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