Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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