If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
