hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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