u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
