I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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