today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You are a genius and a whore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
