I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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