Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
