I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
