And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize