you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
