i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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