y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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