I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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