Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
