I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
