we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
