quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
