whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
