Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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