last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
