I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
