she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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