Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
