I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
