Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I could fuck to npr.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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